This is why we stop faking orgasms

It is commonly known that some people fake their orgasms, and this actually applies to both men and women. In fact, roughly 40% of us have faked an orgasm at some point in our lives.

But what does it really take for us to stop faking? This is something a new study from the University of Copenhagen sheds light on.

”The most popular reasons why men and women stop faking orgasms include increased comfort with not having an orgasm, improvement in telling the partner about one’s sexual desires and wants, or having a partner who pays attention to one’s desires,” says PhD candidate Silvia Pavan, who is one of the authors behind the study.

In other words, better sexual communication about desires and preferences and acceptance of not always reaching an orgasm are crucial when it comes to stopping the faking of orgasms.

Faking orgasms is not without consequences for ourselves and the sexual partner. It can significantly impact the relationship and may be a sign of deeper issues, according to the researchers behind the study. Therefore, it is important to understand both the reasons why it happens and why we eventually stop faking.

We found that faking orgasms was associated with lower sexual, relationship and life satisfaction

“Faking orgasms is a widespread behaviour and faking may in some cases be a symptom of dissatisfaction and that may be a call for change, with the aim of improving one’s own wellbeing,” says Silvia Pavan. She adds:

“It might be symptom of something not working optimally for the person who is faking. For instance, they may be dissatisfied with the sexual activities undertaken with a partner, stressing about reaching an orgasm during sex, or having an unresponsive sexual partner.”

The study is based on a survey of nearly 12,000 respondents from Denmark, Finland, France, Norway, Sweden, and the UK. Around 51 percent of men and women in the survey had never faked an orgasm, 27 percent had faked orgasms in the past but had since stopped, and 13 percent were still faking orgasms at the time of data collection.

Among those who fake orgasms, many use sex toys alone

In the study, respondents were asked about their use of sex toys. They found that for those who fake orgasms, many use sex toys alone. Conversely, among those who had never faked orgasms or had stopped faking, more people reported using sex toys with a partner.

Although these results constitute early stages for research in faking orgasms, the researchers speculate why the use of sex toys is distributed as it is.

”Perhaps those who fake are dissatisfied with the sex with their partner, and seek for pleasure and the chance to have an orgasm through solo activities. The group that uses sex toys with their partner may want to incorporate new elements in their sex lives, have an open mind and feel comfortable exploring with their partner,” says Silvia Pavan.

The researchers also hope to normalize discussions around sex toys, emphasizing that they can be a fun and helpful addition to one's sex life.

”Denmark is a more open minded country when it comes to sex, but this may not be the case in other parts of the world. Sex toys can be a valuable addition to someone’s sex life, and can be helpful for people with sexual dysfunctions,” says Silvia Pavan.

“It would be nice, if this research could help normalize healthy sexual behavior, and understanding that sex can be beneficial for our health,” she says.

Currently, there is little knowledge about why we stop faking orgasms. The researchers believe it is important to gain more insight in understanding behaviors that can have an impact on our relationships.

”We found that faking orgasms was associated with lower sexual, relationship and life satisfaction. Combined with the results that around 40% of the sample has faked at some point in their lives, this suggests that orgasm faking merits research attention for its potential implications for people’s happiness and wellbeing.” 

The study “Why Did You Stop? Reasons for Stopping Faking Orgasms and its Association with Sexual, Relationship, and Life Satisfaction in Denmark, Finland, France, Norway, Sweden, and the UK” has been published in The Journal of Sex Research.